What Women Want In A First Message On A Dating Site

What to Say (and Not to) in a First Online Dating Message Making a good first impression. Posted September 6, 2016. You’ve found a dating site you want to use, and you’ve created a profile. Tinder First Message #9: The Vegan Card One of the biggest dating app trends in recent times is saying that you’re a vegan in your profile. In fact, I’d say that along with “Netflix” and “gym,”, “vegan” is one of the most common interests listed in someone’s bio.

If you didn’t already know, men love it when women make the first move. In a recent survey of over 3,000 men on the online dating site and app Zoosk, 96% said they prefer it when a woman messages them first on a dating app. And what guy wouldn’t? When a woman approaches the guy first, it takes the pressure off of him and let’s him know she’s interested. But if you’re a woman trying to make the first move and message a man online, it’s hard to know what to say.

Writing a first dating message can be tough, for a man or a woman, so we cut right to the chase and asked those same 3,000+ guys what they like to see in an online dating message.

• Example Online Dating First Emails. Giving advice on writing a better first message in online dating is good, but I think examples make it better. Let’s look at a few real profiles, although I am shortening them, that I’m pulling from a popular dating site. I’ll write a first email that I would send if I were interested in meeting the woman.
• Struggling to dating message, in online site for online dating site. We Asked 20 Women: What’s your idea of the perfect first message on a dating app?
• On average, women in their 20s-30s log on to dating apps around 10 times a day, spending just under 8 minutes per session. If your first message doesn’t immediately command her attention, you’re most likely going to get lost in the shuffle with all the other lame pick-up lines she gets on the daily.

Here’s what we found:

1. Just say hi.
The truth is, most men are pretty easy. The majority of men said the best way to start a conversation with them online is to just say hi. Because men get fewer messages than women, and are usually the first to pursue a conversation, any woman who takes the time to reach out first is already going to stand out. Because of that, even a simple hello can go a long way.

2. Tell him what you like about his profile.
After saying hi, the second thing men said they want to hear is something about what you liked about him or what about him stood out to you. Did you like that he’s a big reader? Or recognize a location in one of his photos? Letting him know the little things about his profile or photos that drew your eye can be a great way to start a conversation while also giving him a small compliment.

3. Talk about yourself.
No really. Believe it or not, men listed sharing something about yourself as one of the top ways to break the ice while online dating. Maybe you’re new to the area, love baseball games, or are a total foodie—talking about the interesting things about yourself that can lead to a longer conversation can be a great way to start things off.

So there you have it, three ways to break the ice with a man that aren’t very hard at all. Next time you find yourself interested in a guy but at a loss for what to say, consider what they’d like to hear. You may be surprised how easy it is to get thing rolling.

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Downloading a dating app is the easy part. What’s not easy is sweating over the pictures that best represent you (or the ones you want to present to hundreds of single women). It’s also not easy to painstakingly craft a bio that’s equal parts informative and humorous.

But toughest of all? Coming up with that first perfectly witty message the minute you match with someone decent. These days, now that women have seen and heard it all on dating apps, making a lasting first impression seems freaking impossible.

So we asked 20 real women to divulge the perfect one-liners, questions, and messages they wish men would send on mobile apps or dating sites. Oh, and by the way: ‘Hey, what’s up?’ isn’t cutting it. But cheese references might. (No, we don’t get it either.)

Here’s what they said:

“I like when a guy tries to get off the app immediately and says something like, ‘Hey, I’m interested in getting to know you. If you’re down, shoot me a text (insert #).’” – Cara J.

“Run with something I have on my profile. Personally, I’m obsessed with cheese. The perfect first message would be something like ‘Saw you’re a cheesehead. I’ve been dying to go to this Italian place that serves four-cheese gnocchi—or pairs wine with half a dozen local cheeses. Interested?’ Um, yes, yes I am. Because A) who wouldn’t be into that? And B) you took the time to be unique. Even if we start messaging and I come to find you’re a wackjob and cancel the date, you still astronomically upped your chances than the guy who sent ‘Hey.'” – Victoria G.

“Something related to my profile or picture that’s relatable. I’ve had a guy say: ‘I’ve been skydiving before, but how incredible was jumping in New Zealand?’ because of a photo I had. I feel like that’s the easiest way to connect with someone—through shared interests.” – Rae P.

“‘Top 3 things you can’t live without—ready, set, go.’ Disarm me, throw me off (without being creepy), and be original. I’ll be way more inclined to play along. And this shows you actually have a personality…or at least a semblance of one.” – Anne S.

“I’m actually totally cool with ‘Hey! How’s it going?’ It’s more grown-up and confident than ‘What’s up?’” – Sasha B.

“Bring up something that’s in my bio or one of my pictures you relate to. Perfect example: ’Hey, What kind of race were you doing? I’m big into fitness, too.’ It shows you’re interested in learning about me (rare among dudes). Remember, the conversation shouldn’t be one-way. And we get to skip the small talk and get right into the conversation.” – Marie L.

“I’ve actually gotten funny memes as a first message. The one that made me die laughing was a cartoon with pounding heart eyes—basically saying he thought I was attractive but not in a completely weird way. It’s just a better icebreaker than ‘Hey.’” – Samantha M.

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“Start with something like: ‘Totally into your profile and interests. Where were you traveling to?’… or, ‘How long did you live in San Francisco for?’ Target bits and pieces of my profile. I chose to highlight them for a reason!” – Caitlin D.

“I honestly like a simple ‘Hey, how’s your day going?’ Ultimatums like, ‘Coffee or sleep?’ or ‘You’re gorgeous.’ annoy and freak me out.’” – Amy S.

“Send a question that relates to something from my profile. It shows you actually took the time to craft a response and didn’t just send a generic ‘Hey, what’s up?’ to every girl on the app. For example, if one of my photos was of me at a concert, make a connection to a concert you recently went to.” – Caroline T.

“I think the perfect first message is direct. ‘Hey, you seem really interesting. Would love to go out sometime.’ Stay away from stupid pickup lines.” – Rachel D.

What Women Want In A First Message On A Dating Site Crossword Puzzle

“Point out how awkward dating apps are and poke fun at yourself without being too self-deprecating and blindingly insecure. Say something like, ‘Trying to come up with a clever one-liner to hit you with gave me more anxiety than the SATs. So I’m just gonna go out on a limb here and say I would love to get to know you outside the confines of this app.’ You seem sincere and I’m WAY more likely to want to get to know you, too.” – Brielle A.

“Always something witty or about food. Or, start with a question about my pictures or bio. I have a lot with my nephew because he’s important to me.” – Laura W.

“Something that makes fun of the app and the situation. Like, pretend to be a character from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and say, ‘Hey, I’m Charlie. I like cheese and live with a guy named Frank.’ I would respect that. Though if I didn’t get the reference, then this would just flop.” – Amanda H.

“I like when a guy is engaging. It might be a little overdone, but asking for two truths and a lie is still, to me, a great conversation starter.” – Laura Q.

“Something unique and also relevant to my life via my profile. Ask, ‘Hey, what kind of nurse are you?’ It shows you’re generally interested in getting to know me as a person—not just what I look like. Anything beats ‘Hey, good lookin’.’” – Vanessa P.

What Women Want In A First Message On A Dating Site Crossword Clue

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“‘Your perfect Sunday morning: workout, movie, or brunch?’ Depending on my answer, ask: ‘If I play my cards right, would you like to join me for X, Y, or Z sometime?’ This is PERFECT. It’s clever and not too demanding or creepy, because it’s on me to decide when or if it actually happens. If our conversation goes well and I’m feeling you, then I can initiate picking a date.” – Candice H.

“I like for a guy to show his personality and humor. My now-boyfriend initiated a conversation with: ‘I don’t break apart Kit Kat bars. I eat them whole. Is that a deal breaker?’ I thought this was so weird and funny, I responded immediately.” – Marissa D.

Good First Lines For Online Dating

“Anything that makes you seem not like a complete stranger. Make a connection. I’m a law student, so if a guy draws a connection to the fact he’s in grad school or asks about it, it creates instant dialogue.” – Marianna B.

“Compliment me on anything but my appearance. Say I fascinate you or you love that I’m really outdoorsy. Guys need to stop defaulting to cheap wins. We see past that—especially if we’re on here to find an actual relationship.” – Rose T.

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